It is a defence mechanism everyone uses sometimes, we all want to seem okay at all times to those around us and I am no exception. I do my best to be upbeat when I'm with friends or family, but it can come with a price. If you open up to some people, it can go wrong, they might not respond the way you hope. Some people only believe what they see and if you've perfected the art of being okay/happy all the time, they won't believe something is wrong.
This is a constant worry for me. My friends know I am anxious about things, most know of the PTSD, but barely any know of my depression. This is fine, I can live like this easily, except around times when my learning support makes me stand out from everyone else. At the beginning of the year, I received some equipment and laptop software which I was really anxious of my friends seeing me use. Thank goodness no one spoke of it - they may have noticed, but they didn't say anything - so I felt fine with that after a little while.
Now however.... I don't know how to get around this one. I didn't think anything of it when my exam provisions came through, which meant I was in my own individual room with extra time. After giving in the forms to hopefully set my exams back a few months - assuming they are deemed valid - I now have no clue how to talk to my friends over the next couple of weeks. That might sound silly, but everyone talks to everyone about how revision is going, what time are you going to get up, you arrange to walk there together, after the exam everyone will ask everyone how they thought they did and I won't be able to pretend I took it! For one thing, I'm too honest and wouldn't feel right about that but at the same time I'm not prepared to tell everyone who asks why I didn't sit the exam(s).
What do I dooo :/
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