Dear 12 year old me...

Dear 12 year old me

I want to start off by apologising from the bottom of my heart for what you will go through this year. You will soon change completely and it will be all thanks to one night. You will forget who you used to be, so cherish all the happy moments while you can.

After that night, you will want to hate your friend but you can't. This won't make any sense to you until your friend comes to sleep over and she shows you what she brought with her. Do not blame her afterwards or tell her, she is not to blame. You are both too young to understand what will happen. Telling her about it will make her feel terrible and you won't be any better for it, it will not get rid of the problem. You will have to live with it and get through each day and that happens by focusing on yourself.

Tell your family and if it lasts a few months, tell mum to take you to the doctors. Please, please insist and don't let it go. It will be a good decision and you will get help early on in your life before you grow and begin identifying it as a part of you. I am so sorry you will have to deal with this at such a young age, if only you could have been stronger and told your friend that you weren't going to watch it. None of your friends will understand at this point and if you don't admit you need help, this will eat away at you.

You deserve better than this. You will always have strong values and morals and won't give in to peer pressure, but on this one occasion you will and you will regret it for the rest of your life. Things will get easier, but it will take a long time. If you seek help sooner, the problem will not grow so powerful and it will be easier for you to move on with your life.

Please just be strong, I am begging you to get help.

All my love, Jess

XxXxX