Not feeling good. Feel so much pressure. I feel pushed at every angle to be a certain way and do certain things. I might do what I want, but it feels like I'm being squeezed on all sides by something fighting me to be other than how I am. It makes me feel guilty and light-headed like I've committed some crime by being me. Sometimes when I am honest with someone about something I'd like to do, whatever their response is I feel so judged and put down, whoever it is they don't approve even if they say it's fine. This can be so frustrating, I never feel truly free to do what I like.
Sometimes when I feel really boxed in, like I do now, breathing suddenly feels like hard work, my head hurts and I work myself up into a state. I feel weak, but I've eaten. I had enough for 2 people around 5 and I'm preheating the oven for pizza because I'm starving again. It's 9pm! Typing is tricky, my hands keep flopping off the keyboard like they are refusing to function, I get there in the end though, I just need a minute.
No comments:
Post a Comment