So nervous about going home. All I see is awkward dinners and them giving me weird looks when I say goodnight at 10pm. I can feel the judgement in the air when I am around my mum and sister sometimes. I hope some day I no longer feel like a stranger in the house :/ I can't wait to see my dad though, I am a daddy's girl, my mum and I will have private time and I think things will get better with us, but I have no hope for my sister and I.
She is irritated by me, as if I want to be like this, as if I enjoy conflict. That was the last thing she said to me with emotion in her voice. I am so scared. The times that I have spoken to her has been hollow conversations. She tried to reach out to me and help in her own way, but in no way did it make me feel better.
'I've been through this too, lots of people have.'
'You should look for other solutions than pills.'
'Just focus on your breathing, that's what I used to do.'
There are really useful articles online about how to support someone with depression, the kinds of things you should or shouldn't say and why. It is confusing though, if my sister suffered once in her life, why does she talk like this to me? Maybe it wasn't very long for her (I don't remember it, I was much younger) or something, I don't know. I would've thought that sufferers more than anyone would understand how frustrating those kinds of things can be, my enhanced enabler certainly understands where I am coming from. It was such a relief to talk to her about it and rant a little about it and she couldn't agree more with how I felt.
I am so frustrated at the thought of having to sit down with my family and ask them to research how to communicate with someone who has depression for me. Should I have to do that?! Surely my family would want to do that without me asking. I'm not sure how loved I am right now. It is hard feeling that you have no support from your family, but at the same time I know being depressed makes you feel more cut off anyway.
What is your family like?
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