The mental health conditions I deal with are a complicated combination, let alone individually. I don't really like the term 'sufferer' because even though, yes that is how it feels, putting a negative bent on it does not make it seem all the more manageable.
I have never tried to explain to anyone how it feels exactly, it is hard to put into words and even if I could, people don't like to listen. People turn away, determined to live in denial that there is anything wrong, but that is their problem.
I have a few 'modes' if you like, now that I'm thinking about it, like faces.
Happy, Angry, Panic, Depressed. I think that about sums me up.
Anxious isn't a 'mode' because that is like my skeleton, it is always there, it is just the unfortunate way my mind works, my thought process. I simply am not a cool-and-collected type, although remarkably good at looking it.
I have a habit of speaking before I think, which is probably unusual for an anxious person. On many levels, I don't think people can tell because I actually seem very outgoing and extrovert on the outside. Despite my theatrical ways around people I would most definitely say I am an introvert through and through. All my theatricalities are a fun performance and when I am happy of course, that is how I am.
I don't like to hide how I feel unless it feels like a form of protection for myself.
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