Gosh, today was a whirlwind of emotions! I am in a much better mood in the evenings. I have been preparing my part of a group presentation for tomorrow morning. Not nervous, though I will be in the morning and during - I shake like a leaf!
I did wonder about emailing my lecturer about my anxiety and ask that it is put into consideration. I feel if it was known last year, I may have gotten better marks. I would sway during my presentation to curb my anxiety in front of people, but I was marked down for it. It's fair enough, I didn't chase it up or anything and it was a valid point to work on I suppose.
I don't want to make excuses whenever I'm not happy with a grade and just say 'Oh, I was freaking out!'. I don't want to be petty and not own up to my mistakes and weaknesses.
I now know what I am saying tomorrow morning word for word - a script is the best way for me to do presentations and the preparation and practice shows :) I will make myself extra purty! I actually have a fairly busy day tomorrow, I'm in til 4ish I believe? Not too bad so, yay :)
I soon felt better today after getting back to the flat around 5 and getting to take off my shoes haha! I just needed some lone wolf time and comfort things. I have been drinking fairtrade decaf coffee, it's lovely. My favourite thing though, is to watch my favourite couples on youtube and their day-to-day vlogs. It is so inspirational, they are so happy and in harmony with each other (I am referring to more than one couple) and I aspire to have a similarly happy lifestyle.
I saw a wonderful quote on Pinterest earlier today: Become the person you would like to meet.
That really resonated with me, because I know of girls that I often think 'They would be the best fun at a dinner party!' - wow I'm an old soul - and over the years I've often heard how a mechanical smile at first can turn into a genuine smile. Maybe that is the similar attitude I must take. I am determined to cheer the heck up!
I have a document on my laptop listing all of my deadlines except exams: the due dates, the module it's for, how far into the piece I've gotten etc. I really comforted myself by looking at it and simply thinking 'There is more behind me than ahead of me.' You've no idea how much better that made me feel about this year! Being more than halfway, possibly 3/4, through the year's work takes some weight off my shoulders. I have done most of it and there isn't much left! When people say 'Ohh, you haven't far to go now!' it really doesn't do anything for me, but looking at my coursework list in front of me seemed to work :) weird ha. The end really does seem in sight now, once I get through this month, all coursework pieces are FINITO and I can then move on to revision and dissertation presentation prep.
Breathe Jess, breathe!!
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