Little birds near my bedroom window twittering away, it's such a nice sound.
A pretty simple plan for my day today:
Be neighbourly
Afternoon outing
Don't want to go out this afternoon. I am happy to go 2 doors down, but as far as a trip out uuuuuuugh no. We would hopefully bump into my best mate who I love to pieces, we've been friends for many years, but I just feel constantly anxious. I wouldn't be able to pinpoint what I am nervous about, it is alot of the time just an ongoing vibe, constantly on edge or restless.
Friends have often taken my reluctance to go hang out personally as if it is something to do with them when that isn't the case. It isn't who I am with necessarily, it is more what we are doing. I suppose the more familiar the better, as a creature of habit I find routine pretty comforting. I wonder when the last time was that I truly felt relaxed :/ I suppose an element of it is who I am with, but it isn't that I don't want to be around them, but I have constant worries of rejection, misunderstanding, judgement etc. That is how I feel with anyone, I anticipate that the following day something will cause them to not like me or accept me.
You would think I would sleep well after my mind draining my energy all day with little nagging worries, but that's when the ptsd sometimes comes into play...
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