Thinking of a lost friendship

This probably isn't a wise thing to do, my mood isn't going to thank me, but I can't help it. I lost my closest friend of 3 years over a misunderstanding and I'm mad about it.

I'm not mad at her or myself, just the situation I suppose. She was smarter than me and we were always so in sync, I remember how shocked I was that she'd grown to dislike me over months without me realising. Well not dislike me exactly, I guess I don't know how to put it.

I didn't realise anything. Depression really puts you into a bubble, as if you can't see or hear anything around you. You're in a soundproof bubble - just you and the numbing, constant voice telling you you and your life are worthless.

I only wish she could've seen that I didn't voluntarily step into this bubble.

I suppose she was right about me pushing her away. The misunderstanding was that she didn't see that action for what it was - an act of kindness. I was giving her the chance to get away from me and the quicksand atmosphere that depression creates, I was determined to keep myself at a distance to prevent her from absorbing my behaviour and mood. I wish I could go back and explain that to her :/ oh well, too late now.