Can't flip the switch

Feeling: Disliked

For a few days I thought I didn't get on with L and his wife didn't like me, but last night made me wonder maybe she does :) I showed her my embroidery and I didn't get the positive reaction I wanted. She liked it all but it was her tone that spoke louder to me than the words.

It's all in the tone of their voice

It seemed more like I was trying to sell my things to her, telling her the stitch types I used and stuff and she was looking at it really closely. I wasn't expected her to look at the details, I felt nervous in case she found mistakes! What does it matter though, really, I mean she didn't go to Royal School of Needlecraft or anything, but I just want everyone's approval of my work :)

Trying to enjoy the little things is tough when you don't enjoy the bigger things!

All the time, as I'm behaving around people it is like I am also watching myself and at the back of my mind I'm thinking 'You look rude! Stop with the bad attitude!', but just because I'm aware of it does not give me the control.

I'm not in control of even my own behaviour or outlook.

It's like it's predetermined for me as I wake up every day. Well I guess it is, since I'm not simply in a bad mood all the time, but I have a genuine imbalance in my brain. Just because I know about it, that doesn't flip the switch