Fusion of anger and depression

I felt like I was sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

I didn't go out this afternoon. I didn't see the fete or dog show. What I did instead was lay in my bed all afternoon in silence. For hours I tossed and turned, fuming as if I was angry at something invisible. If you asked me what I was angry about I wouldn't be able to say. It is a strong reminder of how I used to be as a young teenager - serious anger problems.

I was this constant raging volcano, as if my anger was as strong as the sun is hot.

Thankfully those times have passed, but this depression.... this afternoon was the first time (as far as I can recall) that I somehow fused a deep, depressed feeling with fierce anger. An odd combination - I kept switching between wanting to cry and wanting to hit something. I know all people get angry and sad at the same time when they are emotional, but on this occasion each emotion felt much stronger than I have experienced before.

It may be to do with the fact that I couldn't go to the fete with my dad and, despite my mum offering to join me, I knew it isn't for her and it would stop me enjoying it. Maybe it caused a domino effect? I found myself in my room perched on the edge of my bed, I think to myself that curling up into bed sounds appealing. Next thing I know, I am boiling under my 13.5 TOG (the thickest, warmest possible you can get) duvet on a 20C day and refusing to move, as if it would be like admitting defeat. Everything was irritating me (like it used to years ago) I wanted to yell at my window to shut a barking dog up and stop the birds singing - not like me at all - any noise made me want to wreck something.

After joining family, things slowly looked up and it passed.