I am shattered, I can't stop yawning and my eyes are watering like Niagara Falls, but I won't sleep for a while yet. On nights where I am perfectly comfortable with no worries, I can sleep from around 10pm for about 11 hours (if I have the time!), so it is a drastic difference to when it starts to get difficult and I am awake later and later because:
the more time I spend at home =
the more nights in my room in the dark =
the more opportunity for my mind to start toying with me =
the higher the anxiety gets.
Panic attacks thankfully aren't a common occurence any more, but then it has been almost a decade since the event and it was perhaps around a year or so ago (?) that the panic attacks really calmed down. It will have been after my exposure therapy, very nasty but effective. Probably what people who have gone through EMDR would say :/ And since then I have only had a few, my last true true one probably being arooouuund christmas, I'm not sure. I don't make note of them!
Even still, I now get what I call 'semis' - says it all really, it personally feels part way there, like a panic attack is coming on but I manage to nip it in the bud before it escalates any further. I do have more control now, though I don't exactly feel empowered. I have always felt as if my flashbacks and panics and all the rest of it are evidence of a poison in my brain. The best way to show what I mean is like this:
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