Wednesday 19 February 2014

I NEED A BREAK! / Sister

I need a break soooooo BAAAAAAAAD!
I swear my head is going to either explode or lop off and roll away.

Going away for a few days tomorrow and it could not come sooner!! I desperately need to forget about everything for a while, if I said I was drowning in deadlines and stress that would be an understatement. Uhhhh breathe Jess, breeeeathe.

I'm still annoyed about what my sister said - I was browsing youtube, one of my favourite 'places', and came across this video rant one of my favourite youtubers made. It was about a different subject, but what she was saying was pretty much exactly how I was feeling about my sister's phone call. She was saying things like 'If I want your help, I will ask for it' and 'You think I don't already know what you're saying to me?!', it all resonated with me. The video was about fitness 'snobs' who love to give people advice here there and everywhere about how to better themselves. IT SOUNDS SO SUPERIOR!! It really does, you know what I said to my learning support worker yesterday? I ranted to her about the call and mentioned how my sister does everything first, even being mentally ill for goodness sake! Telling me that she's been there too does the absolute opposite effect than she intends it to. I thought she always was kind of aware of how I compared myself to her and how I feel next to her, but I guess if she did she wouldn't say that. I don't know :/ Even if my sister doesn't know, my mum sure as heck does! I sound so utterably evil.

Last night when I was lying in bed, I came up with a really good idea: I am going to write up a list of the things that I have done first to remind myself of my own identity and that I am more than my sister's shadow different to my sister. Maybe I should stick it on my wall so I can look at it every day and remember that I am taking my own path. Good idea me :)

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