Feeling Welcome

I don't know exactly what someone has to do for me to feel accepted by them. I guess for them to be willing to give me a hug or sit next to me. Little things. I have difficult, awkward relationships with most people because there are certain things that don't compute in my head. If someone is the teasing kind, I will feel like a child bullied at school for their lunch money. I can't take a joke - my family have always said that I am too sensitive and I should lighten up. Thank you, how nice!

I have never been able to take a joke, I just can't laugh at myself. Do I have too much pride? Am I being overly defensive? I suppose since I have a tendency to feel people feel differently towards me than they are willing to show, if someone appears to like me but they also tease, that in my mind says 'They don't like me after all. They don't want me in their life.' It seems that the teasing shows their true side and it is their way of unleashing some honesty while seeming to most people that it is kindly meant. Teasing is never kindly meant surely, I just don't understand!

I don't feel welcome anywhere lately.

 

Sometimes, I become invisible. Out of choice, ultimately at times when I feel I've been pushing my limits and the people I am with are close to biting my head off with anger. I cant' shake off the feeling that people find me annoying, especially when they are naturally quiet people. I can be really chatty, sing along to songs and stuff, but if those I'm with are not the same I feel sooo rude!! I try to keep my mouth shut a lot more, but it probably still looks like I never shut up :/ Invisible mode makes me feel that I will be more accepted if I am silent. My boyfriend instantly notices and thinks something is wrong, he is so in tune with my behaviour. I am so lucky and grateful every day that I have him , because my mind relaxes the most with his company, I trust more in what he says.