Not sure where I stand

Mood: Meh

Honestly, I'm really not sure how I feel today, although I do feel much better than yesterday. I had some really nice dreams, one with a lifelong friend getting ready for a fancy dress party and laughing nonstop and another with my boyfriend just having a lovely time.

I woke up pretty happy, like yesterday was the dream and my dream was real. Slowly as I got up for the day they did switch and my brain woke up properly, but still I'm feeling alright...ish.

I did speak with him last night for a bit, because he had tried to call me quite a few times. Strangely after talking to him, I felt a monster wave of anger hit me and boy, did it linger. I was lying up in bed fuming til past midnight. It's like I was offended that he thought a single call would make the whole thing blow over.

It's an odd situation because I was being self-pitying while he I think was misunderstanding my problem. That'll be my fault, I didn't really explain that the really problem was about myself rather than others.... so in hindsight, this one's on me :( I deleted his message - the message - but it's still ringing in my ears (can a text message do that?).

My boyfriend has such a gentle, kind nature, so when he says something...... like that, I feel like I've lost the guy I'm in love with. It stays with me for a good while and it's almost as if I have to rebuild our connection again.

Sooo, I've gone super-duper summery today with a lovely, girly dress and I've even curled my hair, done my makeup, the works :) I thought it best to make it a colourful day... maybe I should go to the park in a bit? No no no, bad Jess, today is about revision since you haven't done any in 2 days.