Feeling judged for my hobbies

Mood: Meh

I've been pretty irritable today, I've spent most of it around family which is fine, but you know how I need my personal time, I really relax when I'm by myself and I can comfortably do what I want to do. That might sound weird, like what difference does it make, do what you want anyway. It really isn't that simple for me.

I mould around my company

You know how I feel the constant need for approval from anyone I am around, so I don't do what I want to do if I think I will be judged for it in some way or if they won't like it. Like my embroidery, if I'm designing I like to be in my own room otherwise I'm afraid of people looking at my designs and pointing things out.

Once a comment is made, however constructive it is, I won't be able to see it in the same way and I'll only see what they pointed out. Do you know what I mean? I automatically choose to be like whoever I'm with rather than by entirely myself because it is safer. Not necessarily invisible, although that I do often try to do, but more like camouflage!

Camouflage behaviour!

Anyway, today was alright though. My sister and I went down the road to a couple of places including Sewing World for me - I bought some fabrics, exciting! After getting home, I went straight to my room because I'd gotten to the point of being desperate for my own company and to be alone. It's like your mind can't breathe.

It's after dinner now and I am feeling good because I bravely managed to ring up a B+B to book my family in for a night before my graduation - go me! - and I will book a table for lunch at my favourite restaurant as well for after the ceremony :D my telephobia has improved soo much, I just leap up when the phone rings without hesitating to give it any thought and I have been answering the phone regularly!