My day has been overall pretty ordinary, I was feeling bit annoyed at the italian guys - they've now moved out - but otherwise I was okay. Talk about a U-turn. I may have inadvertantly caused my relationship to snap. I won't divulge into it much, but I want to get my feelings out of my system because I have been very upset and emotional with noone to talk to, so I turn to you :)
It's pouring down over here and it matches my mood now. Maybe this was our first... I don't want to call it an argument, I refuse to. The whole time I have hoped for us to be one of those couples who rarely ever argue and instead just disagree, you know. Let's call it a niggle. Our first big niggle.
I was crying about having no self-esteem and not thinking anything of myself, particularly when I'm around other women, but his final reply just.....tore through me. He said something that went right through me and in his words I saw maybe it was his way of saying he's had enough. Gosh, I hope I'm overreading into it, but it was as strongly worded as I've known him to get. For a minute I genuinely thought he was ending our relationship, which I have poured so many dreams and emotions into.
For a few minutes I just stared straight out in front of me, in shock. Once it kicked in, I cried my heart out into my favourite cuddly toy, curled up in bed, until my eyes had dried up. Now the only thing keeping me going is the thought that crying won't change anything, it won't help the situation. Oh well, in tears I blocked his number so he can't call me. An immature move? Probably, but it sounds like some time without speaking might be.... I don't know, medicinal. We'll see.
Excuse me while I go to cuddle something soft.
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