Middle of the night and I'm lying in bed wide awake thinking of my uni best mate. I miss our fun times, we used to laugh soo much! I'm so sad that it didn't end positively, I probably won't see her again.
I doubt she even thinks of me anymore, if she does it might be in a 'Glad that chapter of my life is over!' type thing.
When I moved out of the flat, I apologised to her for how she felt and I meant it. I know I didn't do anything on purpose and my family didn't think I ought to have said sorry, but she wasn't going to say anything and it would have been an awkward departure.
I am sorry she felt victimised by my depression and I feel so sad to think that she was convinced it was unrelated and my behaviour towards her was deliberate. I wish she had said something as soon as the feelings came about - if we had a chat straight away, everything might have been fine, but.... oh well, it didn't go that way :(
There's no point in thinking about it anymore - I do accasionally wonder if she thinks of me at all. She used to read my blogs so maybe she will see this, who knows! Now there is a long distance between us literally and metaphorically - I can't exactly nip over to her house for a meaningful chat in person and a hug followed by silly makeovers.
I really feel I am recovering and am over the worst of my depression, I wish she was around to see me get better and back to my old self.
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