DAD, YOU ARE NOT SUPERHUMAN!

Feeling: Drained
Watching: World's Busiest Railways - BBC2

DAD HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS

My dad is extremely mind over matter. So much so, that he doesn't believe in the medical industry. He reached the big 60 last year and it sent me into a state of shock. I got in a big state today - curled up in mum's bed and smeared mascara all over her pillow cover - because dad threw away mail suggesting he go for a screening test thing.

ME, SICK? NAH

It is a very depressing thought when he believes WE are the deluded ones for believing what doctors tell us. What if he got something serious?! Even if, by some miracle, we convinced him to get tests, if they came back positive he'd never agree. He'd think the doctor made it up for some reason. Why would they do that?! He thinks that if you think right, you are right, that you can mentally will your cells to stay healthy.

SUPERHUMAN?

It's just baffling. A major truth of nature is that everything, at some point, will break down. He has it in his head that he can make himself superhuman and prevent himself from ever getting really sick.

THANK GOODNESS FOR MUM!

Feeling: Determined
Listening to: Diana Ross & The Supremes - Keep Me Hangin' On

So relieved that mum is back home. We're all freaking out about how to afford our courses - my sister's moving to Cardiff for a master's - and she is just calming everyone down. Oh, I never said she was away I don't think! She went to stay in a nice cottage with her oldest friend and her family for a few days away and had a lovely time :)

I'm looking into the cold figures of how much the journeys will cost me over the year. The only thing is I don't know what days of the week I'll be on campus. If the days were consecutive - next to each other - it's one journey there and back, but it might be two return journeys if the days are far apart. Hmm I'll try to stay there to make it one trip. It would be really helpful if uni would email me the days I'm in now..... ANY TIME NOW *huffs*.

Why must the UK be so expensive when it comes to travel! :'( Right, well, a cup of tea is a good starting point.

TIM£ TO PANIC ABOUT MON£Y? / SISTER RAGE

Feeling: Very tense

I feel like I'l have a panic attack some time soon. Oh my goooood. I've been losing sleep ever since my uni sent me an email with the date of my induction day. It is 4 weeks away and it has hit me that I have to find the money somewhere to afford the journey :( oh god.

* * * * *

Why can't I be left ALONE?!

Feel like everyone's pestering me about something all the time. I'm getting headaches from the money worries, I don't need my sister trapsing about the house and talking to me as if it's a matron-patient relationship. Guuuhh she can drive me so mad with her maternal ways, we're almost 5 years apart but it feels more like 15.

Okay. My mum and her friends get here in just over an hour. Once they're here it'll be fine, until then I am staying in my room and counting to 1 000... maybe I should be back on my meds? :/ I'm only like this with my sister, I get irritated by everything she does. If she isn't practicing, she's singing along to whatever's playing including my Disney films, which I want to be left to enjoy in peace. I don't want to hear your voice anymore, I hear it enough from all your practicing!!

60 WAYS TO CHANGE MY LIFE BOOK

When I was having a lush soak in a bubble bath yesterday, I was reading a mini book - like those pocket books you see in Waterstone's - that's called 60 WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE by Linda Field. These tiny reads might be easily overlooked, but everyone should have one on their bookshelf.

I feel like this book gave me a new lease of life. After reading it front to back and back to front. It makes you really think things through, analyse yourself and your aspirations and feel worthwhile enough to go after what you want in life.

Let go of past regrets and guilt, create positive affirmations to bring around your self-esteem, it's full of little pieces of advice and things you can think about to change one little thing.

AWKWARD CAT CARING SITUATION!

Our neighbours are the loveliest couple and they have gone away for a few days. They also have foreign students staying over at theirs - they have been there for a while and don't leave for another week or so. The wife has asked me to look after their cat while they're away and gae me some money for it, they're so kind.

BURGLAR?!!

Unfortunately there was a lack of communication to do with the couple's cat. I've looked after her before; feeding, letting her out and in again and giving her lots of attention. When I went over tonight, I forgot that the girls were there until I heard creaking above me as I went to the back door to let their cat in - let's call her P! One of the students, who already knows me and my family, creeped down the stairs as I was trying to call P back indoors.

She comes down, tells me she already let her in. Oh. Well, then I had the awkward position to say 'Hey I know you're living here for the time being, but I'm going to be coming over twice a day to care for the cat, not you'. How do you say it politely?!

Awkwaarrrrd

She said it's all fine, but I don't think it is. I'll probably go over in the mornings and they'll have already let P out. Okay, put some food out. When I go over in the evenings, they'll have probably let her in before I get there and the food is out already from earlier. That's almost the whole job.

They really kindly gave me money for looking after her, but I won't feel right keeping the money if I've barely done anything. On the other hand, I need the money, any money that comes my way is very warmly welcomed but if what I suspect will happen does happen I'll have to give it back to them.

We'll see.

* * * * *

What did I tell you! Went over first thing this morning - she was let out last night and hasn't been back since. This better not continue like this.

Blogilates morning + productive afternoon!

Feeling: Productive
Watching: My Little Pony (click to watch the same episode!)

This morning, my sister and I worked out like maniacs, thanks to Blogilates! Every workout is killer and you're guaranteed to feel it the next day! So long as you warm up beforehand and stretch afterwards, I highly recommend her videos. She also has a brilliant website where you can download free monthly plans where she has planned which videos you should do on each day, as well as healthy food recipes and motivation to keep you going!

Now that I've had a lush hot soak in a bath and washed my hair, I feel like being productive this afternoon!

What to do, let's see:

• Wash my makeup brushes
• Detox my bedroom
• File some paperwork into folders
• Decide what to do with hair in proper detail (I know the colours I want, I just can't decide how I want it in my hair)

EARLY YEARS TEACHING + COLOURFUL HAIR??

Feeling: Worried

More than ever, I really want to go all out with bright, colourful, unicorn hair! I'm starting to worry a little though.

COULD I STILL BE AN EARLY YEARS TEACHER?

Some people might not see how my hair colour is relevant, but my appearance would reflect on where I work e.g. the primary school or day nursery.

The fact of the matter is a lot of places would consider my appearance unprofessional and, although my hair is still a natural colour, it is still a worry as I'm almost dead set on getting it done. I haven't planned when to do it or anything, but I'm in the position where I'm itching to book a salon appointment and just take the plunge into the wonder of UNICORN HAIR. I just can't until I have a good idea of hard it'll be for me to find work.

I do have the advantage of planning to work with little ones up to the age of 5, because had I gone for teaching any older than that I certainly would not find work anywhere, or I'd find it very tough at the best of times.

I have this strong feeling that I could get away with it in early years so long as I can really
promote myself and have potential employers see a great reception teacher/day nursery carer, rather than some random with bright hair. I'd have to really push the fact that I'd take my job seriously.

I don't see why my hair colour should reflect badly on my work ethic or how I manage with little ones. If anything, I think it would help! The kids would LOVE IT! Of course, I wouldn't let them be distracted from their activities, the only matter is convincing whoever is interviewing me of that :/

The Ultimate Favourites List!

Favourite Movie? The First Wives Club
Favourite Book/Novel? The Rice Mother by Rani Manicka
Favourite Colour? Peach & mint
Favourite Actor? Will Smith
Favourite Actress? Goldie Hawn
Favourite Hero? Mulan
Favourite Villain? Hades
Favourite Fruit? Strawberries
Favourite Vegetable? Cucumber
Favourite Ice Cream? Too many to choose from!
Favourite Candy? Fruit Pastilles
Favourite Restaraunt? Wagamama's
Favourite Article of Clothing? Bed socks
Favourite Hair Color? Darkest brown
Favourite Eye Color? Green
Favourite Person? My boyfriend!
Favourite Song? Changed all the time! At the moment ummm Hey Mama by David Guetta
Favourite Body Part? Waist
Favourite Game? Phase 10
Favourite Board Game? Sorry
Favourite Food? Nutella on toast
Favourite TV Show? RuPaul's Drag Race!
Favourite Sport? Swimming
Favourite School Subject? Maths
Favourite Hobby? Hand embroideryyyy
Favourite Music Genre? Chart music.... I love all sorts though
Favourite Drink? Hot = Redbush tea, Cold - Peach Ice Tea
Favourite Holiday? CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAS!!
Favourite Dog Breed? Samoyeds, Corgis, Alaskan Malamutes and Shelties. I CAN HAVE FOUR!
Favourite Type Of Cat? Ummmm fluffy?
Favourite Animal? Tigerrr
Favourite Cereal? Golden Grahams
Favourite Cookie? Chocolate chip cookies
Favourite Obsession? My Little Pony, mermaids, Disney and unicorns
Favourite Religion? Buddhism
Favourite Shop? Miss Selfridge
Favourite Cartoon? My Little Pony
Favourite Magazine? Glamour
Favourite Season? Every season is nice in its own way :)
Favourite Scent? Fresh bread
Favourite Actor/Actress Crush? Andy Whitfield
Favourite Breakfast? Golden Grahams
Favourite Cartoon Figure? PINKIE PIE!
Favourite Accomplishment? Going to South Africa by myself for 5 weeks to stay at a Big Cat Sanctuary
Favourite Outside Activity? Does shopping count?
Favourite Inside Activity? Watching Netflix with nibbles and a cup of tea
Favourite Comedy? The First Wives Club
Favourite Romance? The Young Victoria
Favourite Thriller? Inception
Favourite Mammal? Apart from tigers, cheetahs!
Favourite Insect? Butterfly
Favourite Type Of Bird? Robins
Favourite Type Of Fish? Dolphin
Favourite Author? Jodi Piccoult
Favourite Talk Show? Tonight with Jimmy Fallon
Favourite Hairstyle? Long, dark and wavy hair with balayage highlights
Favourite Emoji? ^.^
Favourite Way to Pamper Yourself? A disney movie in my pyjamas!

HOW TO: Detox your bedroom

Let's clear the chaos!

I LOVE to put my room through a detox! My room looks better, my mind is calmer and everything is in its place!

The first thing to think of is what you are trying to achieve: Do you want to throw things away or do you just want to rearrange your room? If you don't want to throw things but you don't want to keep them either, why not give them to a charity shop?

What I find useful is categorising my things into piles, so either get some plastic bags or cardboard boxes or you can use any large space like the floor, whatever you like. I prefer cardboard boxes, but I never have any lying around so I usually have a large plastic bag for things to throw or give to charity.

Make sure to have some of your favourite music playing so you get into a rhythm.

Once you know what your plan is, you can dive right in!

There's no right or wrong way to go about it: pluck things from all over or start from one end of your room and work your way round. If you don't know where to start, first look at your furniture. Do you want to keep your furniture where it is or do you want to completely change things around?  

I prefer to go through and categorise everything first. Slowly, I end up with a decent amount of things to get rid of, so that if I want to rearrange my bedroom furniture like my chest of drawers, I have already made it lighter and easier to move.

Be sure, when you are done, to get rid of the 'To Throw/Donate' pile as soon as you can after your detox, otherwise you will lose the same drive and you'll end up keeping this pile in your room. It would defeat the point of your whole tidy up, so get rid of it! I have to say, I have this pile from my last detox under my mirror still waiting for its trip to a charity shop.

UGHH DAD!

Feeling: Irritated
Listening to: Radio 2

Berry Picking time!

I really enjoy berry picking at our (I say our, it's dad's baby really) allotment, but I just never feel like heading over because it's a loooong visit. I'm a little wary of going today because I have my blood donation appointment in the afternoon and you have to make sure you eat til food comes out of your ears beforehand or they won't let you donate. They don't want anyone fainting on them! Like my sister did..

Still! It'll be nice and relaxing. I'd ideally like to go as soon as possible, but dad's swanning around in his pjs :/ COME OOON, LET'S GO!

AAARGH DAD!

Why is it that none of us can do something differently to how you think it should be done?!! Uuuuughhh so aggravating.

If you want to do anything DIY related, you're better off waiting until he's out of the house, because he will watch over you the entire time, breathing down your neck and giving you 'advice' nonstop. For goodness sake, either do it yourself or go away!!!

For a while, I welcome his advice. He's my dad and there is a lot he can give me advice on. The thing is, he never stops to let you figure anything out for yourself and often just takes over whatever it is you were doing.

To be honest, sometimes we use it against him to get him to do jobs! I was starting to spray paint our garden furniture a new colour, it was going to be a really fun job. He helped me prepare for it which was nice of him and I started painting....the 'advice' kept coming.......and coming.....til eventually I let him take the spray paint and show me how to do it 'properly'. By this point, I stormed off and left him to it.

FUN HAIR PLANS

Feeling: Excited

I have to tell you my plaaaaans. I'm going to go all FUN with my hair! Yes, that involves pink. And purple. And blue.

Before you tell me it's a crazy idea, I know it is and that's kind of part of the reason I want to do it. I'm not going to get my whole head done, just like the lower half. I attempted to bleach my hair, despite its uber darkness, and it didn't do much sadly :(

Anyhow, here's some photos I found that I like to show an idea:

WHAT DO YOU THINK!

Grey but productive day!

Feeling: Happy
Watching: Mermaid Gossip on YouTube

Helloooo everybody!

Happy puppy am I

What do you think, should I be more big and bold and colourful? I think that would be nice. Sums up my personality after all :D

So, as you know from my last blog I am in a much better place than I was a couple of months ago, not that things were particularly bad, but over the past month or so I've been feeling much perkier.
HOORAY!

Pretty grim day today, a big blanket of clouds has been hanging over us here all day, but it hasn't stopped us doing things! Mum and I have been doing more spring cleaning and I'm chuffed at my productivity :D I find it easier when my sis isn't around, I guess I see it as a chance to step up maybe? Who knows, but it's nice.

I am still spending most days in my pjs I do admit, but none of my clothes are comfortable yet! I'm still with Slimming World, but I had like a month off when I went to Tom's. THANKFULLY, I only gained 2 lbs - a miracle! I honestly thought it would be loads more, I would see this great heffalump in the mirror and bubble baths were more distressing than relaxing :/

What I should do is stop planning to do things and JUST DO THEM. I keep intending to do my insane workout dvd twice a week, but that certainly hasn't manifested.

AUGUST: THE NETWORKING MONTH

Feeling: Good
Watching: Despicable Me 2

I'm doing my best to meet up with long, lost friends.... everyone really :/ so far so good. I went to a birthday party Saturday night for an old school friend and it was really fun!

I haven't been to any party or social get together for years and lately I've had this aching feeling, a really sudden, strong need to have friends and go out and take silly photos. I've gone a long time without being sociable and I'm now starting to feel actual damage from staying at home all the time. Well, that's what depression does isn't it, it cuts you off.

I might feel like myself again, but I now see that I have to work hard to reverse all that my depression did. I used to think once the depression is gone, things would more or less sort themselves out. Maybe that's what I needed to believe, I don't know, but I feel I'm making a real effort now. Yayyy :)