Wanting people to worry about me

I was lost in thought the other day in how I see others around me and how they respond to me. This might sound like really strange ways to think, but I'm being very honest here. As I type, sometimes it makes things clearer and I learn as I get things out of my system :)

I've always wanted people to worry about me. That might sound selfish and... I suppose it is, but it wasn't - no, isn't - that I want people in my life to suffer, I don't want that at all, it was more that I felt that if they are worried or concerned, that that is when you truly see the connection you have.

Being depressed is one of those circumstances that, to a point, show you who your friends are, who will be there for you and support you despite the situation. I guess when I was little I thought that when people show worry for you, you see what you mean to them, but otherwise you can't tell.

Surely the right mindset would be to find the happy times more bonding than the sad times?

Unfortunately it looks like that mindset stuck. I distinctly remember going to a particular anger management appointment at a local clinic and the therapist - horrible woman, I hated going - challenged my outlook that I needed people to be concerned for me to give me the apropriate attention. I realised only the other day that maybe I associate people worrying about me with taking me seriously and I have ALWAYS wanted people to take me seriously.

Don't get me wrong, I have a sense of humor, but not when I'm the joke material d'you know what I mean :/ I've always been told to 'lighten up' and 'stop being so sensitive', but I think that's just me and despite my best efforts to take things more lightly, it only makes jokes worm into my brain further and stick with me longer. A bit of a 'don't think of a pink elephant' type thing!

So, do I not feel much of a connection with people - and I'm talking about family really - when they are smiling and happy and not worried? Why would them not worrying be a bad thing?! I don't understand myself, but I really want to get to the bottom of this, I am my own mystery!

Am I so desperate for attention that I need people I'm with to be devoid of their own happiness so they can focus on me?

Maybe when others around me are cheerful and say something to me, for instance, I don't think I truly have their attention. Ugh.... I sound horrible...