Racing Thoughts

I am chronically anxious. This means my mind races and I worry excessively. I have been to workshops to understand the origin of anxiety and worry, it was very interesting and insightful. Of course, a long time ago the 'fight or flight' response was highly useful and our ancestors' lives depended on it, but now that technology and other things have made life so much easier for us today, this response is not as important but it is part of our hardwiring. Unfortunately, I am simply one of those people who doesn't stop worrying at all, it just goes round and round and round in my mind.

Many people worry a lot, but the amount I worry is well above normal. I am trying to relax more and be more calm about things. I would love to be the kind of person who is aware of problems and things that need to be done, but doesn't buckle under the pressure and let worry take over. I'd like to be more chilled and laid-back, like some of my friends.

I am doing well lately. I am making sure I keep up a hobby that I really enjoy to turn to if I need a pick-me-up. I don't eat much junk food, I live off water, no caffeine, fizzy drinks, crisps, sweets, sugar. I don't exercise apart from walking everywhere - but where I live, that really is a workout - very hilly! I live in a small flat with my best mate and I can turn to her when I need someone there.

I am very fortunate, I know. Anxiety is not something that can be turned off, it is not rational after a certain point. Some of the worry can be tackled, since a lot of it is study stress with coursework and things, but the way degrees are designed - to test you - whenever a piece of coursework is done, you have 2 added to the list. It is not the right environment for me. I wish my outlook on everything was more positive - it is sometimes and I get days where I feel I can accomplish anything I want to. These days do not occur as often as I'd like.

I see problems. Problems everywhere. Where some see opportunities to improve, I see almost certain failure. I always think the next piece of work will fail, even though I've NEVER failed anything in my education before! To someone who doesn't worry as much as myself,  this doesn't make any sense at all. I imagine it must seem really frustrating, friends must want to shake me violently sometimes and say 'Snap out of it, nothing bad will happen!'.

I suppose it stems from the thought that I don't know what will happen next. Some people can embrace that mystery with open arms, relish the thought of not knowing what lies around the corner. find it exciting. Oh, I so wish I could think that way!